Without a doubt, 2014 has been a life-changing year. And I know that it’s a bit late, this — my looking back — but last night I had some quiet time and a chance to really reflect on where I was, where I am, and where I want to be (I was tempted to use ‘will’, but we don’t get to dictate our future!).
We finally told our families that Mario and I are going to be a family by showing them this ultrasound. This very first picture of our little Sanji doesn’t do justice on how wonderful it is to realize that you are growing a life. The first time I heard his heartbeat was surreal — I have a tiny heart inside my body, a tiny heart, which, I undoubtedly know will be the center of my universe, the reason for my every breathe and laugh and tears.
It wasn’t easy at first — growing up in a traditional family, and then growing up to be a non-traditional person. There were tears, definitely. There were fights, definitely. But there were also little moments of *insert angel’s chorus here* and wonderful realizations — such as having a man, a partner, a friend, who will do anything for you — and by anything, I meant anything.
February – May
I still had no proper baby bump to show, but I was already preparing for the little one — mainly by crocheting his garments, accessories and shoes. Little did I know that this little start is going to get bigger later *insert cliffhanger here, but not really ha ha ha*
June – July
Mario moved in with me. If he hadn’t, I wouldn’t have managed to go to work because for the life of me, I couldn’t wear my shoes because I finally popped a proper baby bump then!
It’s true, what people say, a couple’s relationship can only be truly tested when they finally live together. It was a big adjustment on both our parts, but we learned to compromise and forgive each other. This was when I learned how to be patient. I’m still not the most patient person, but my inner monsters kind of tamed down.
These couple of months have been a bit tricky because we had to learn to manage a home while learning how to manage each other while preparing for a baby. But we did it!
We had our groceries pat down, and little by little, we started to fill our room with baby stuff until we finally bought the crib — which, for me, was really the thing that screams out: Baby! Baby! Baby!
Ahh, August! Before, I was never really fond of this month. But August 2 forever changed my life.
August 1 was my last day at work before I went into maternity leave. That night, my best friends and Mario and me went out for a grown-up Friday night at Yardstick. My friend even planned to host a baby shower the week after, since my due date was supposed to be on August 14th or something. The following morning, Mario and I went to our doctor to have my dilation checked. Imagine Mario’s face when I said that we had to check into the delivery room because I was already 4 centimeters dilated! We didn’t have anything packed! No baby clothes, nor clothes of my own, no bottle — nothing, zilch, nada! And I didn’t even feel a thing! 3 more centimeters, and our doctor finally decided that I had to have an emergency cesarean section section because the baby wasn’t “dropping”. About 30 minutes after that, we finally saw our little boy.
The birth experience (I still can’t believe that I gave birth ha ha) was amazing and surreal and kind of being high. I distinctly remember feeling the doctors push on my stomach and then I heard a very strong cry. That sound, that cry, that’s the surreal part. Up until now, as I am writing this, I still can’t believe that this body, my body, grew that wonderful, wonderful creature.
And yeah, that high part was because of the anesthesia.
Lacking in sleep, exhausted, but extremely happy — this is the perfect description of this month. You know how they say that when you become a mother, you somehow miraculously manage to do more things in a minute? Well, in addition to being a mom, this month, I also became a co-owner of a craft business.
I can’t exactly pinpoint when we opened Craft++, but I remember making orders while Sanji, just shy of a month, was sleeping. And then Mario would “shift in” and he’d look after Sanji while I sleep.
“Good things come to those who hustle” — my forever mantra, was proven to be true.
I just came back from maternity leave when my boss called me for a one on one meeting. And he told me that I was promoted to lead developer. I wasn’t expecting it, especially after I had just came back from a long time off from work. I wasn’t expecting it, but boy did I smile when I learned about it!
Mario and I celebrated our second year anniversary!
I have not been vocal enough in saying how much I appreciate this man. He’s seen me in all my moods and has ridden through them. He makes me a better person — kinder, happier and more giving. Sometimes we clash — what with us being raised on values that are worlds apart — but we manage to sort things out and still be the best of friends at the end of each day.
Before, I have lost all hope in having this person — my person. I once remember saying that no one knows my density. But now, when I look at him, I know that he knows, that he’s the person, my person.
After eight months of not being able to travel to my home town, we finally spent Sanji’s first Christmas there.
You know, when you were little and it’s time to open the presents, the kids gather in the middle and the adults just sit on the sides and look at the kids while smiling? Before, I never understood that, but now I do! Anything is more fun, more magical, when you see your child enjoying something for the first time — whether it be opening a gift or seeing Christmas lights or hearing fireworks for the first time.
2014 has been a challenge, but also a big, big blessing. I have done more than I thought I can do. I have grown into someone who I never thought I’d grow up to be. And I have been loved, oh how I have been loved, more than I than I think I deserved to be.
All I can utter while writing this are thank you’s to the Big Guy and to all the people who made this year my year. 🙂